so this guppy suggested me to read about "Love and transcendence" from Eckhart Tollen and i found an article on google, which is very interesting, it puts some "english" words on things i felt and knew, so i'm gonna comment the most interesting (to me) quotes:
"The object of love is interchangeable, as interchangeable as the object of egoic wanting." it is really true, as i can feel deep bonding for different persons at the same time, though i'm not sure i would call that "love", but eckhart use "love" here in that meaning:
"What is conventionally called "love" is an ego strategy to avoid surrender" So i guess it's why i CAN't love (scroll down a bit i wrote it on that journal some time ago, lol)
"Only surrender can give you what you were looking for in the object of your love. "I strictly disagree with this! surrender has never given anyone a baby, nor physical closeness to opposite sex...
"there are no relationships. There is only the present moment, and in the moment there is only relating." it's true, i don't believe in these either, only friends speding time with me ...and people living with me...others can pretend to be part of my life, but those who don't make effort to SPEND time for me ...they are not present just no existence
"The entire phenomenal universe exists because of the tension between the opposites. Hot and cold, growth and decay, gain and loss, success and failure, the polarities that are part of existence, and of course part of every relationship." well according to my theory of the human thoughts, i strongly agree! human thoughts result from opposition between logic and instinct...
so to me logic is the philosophy of life that leads to surrendering, BUT instinct is what is pushing toward love for the obvious necessity of reproduction, and denying it would be denying humanity! but Tolle does not even speak about it! heck...that's a big mistake! he sees thing from a too western (ie christian, jew...point of view), but i'm not so i see the whole human being, not only the brain! though hormones are in the brain too (see below my talk about depression)
"If surrender is not sustained, however, it gets covered up again with the old egoic patterns" it happened to me, in state of depression, but i'm "normal" i'm allways surrendering, lol...i think it's not quite honest, i'm a very much exclusive person, to me "normal" has to be the best, surrendering and "oceanic feeling" or nirvana is the "normal" way of life...and anything that stray from it , is making me depressed, or worse, but usually only artificial medicines (synthetic hormones) can make me feel away from surrendering!...that's why i HATE western medicine!
"The world is no longer perceived as hostile, which is how the ego perceives it." that one puzle me!
children do not feel world is hostile, they are naive...so naiveness is not "ego" but children are very much selfish though
teenagers are even more selfish, but usualy feel world belongs to them, and that they are stronger than death itself...
the only who really feel world is hostile are usually bitter adults, but they are not the most selfish
"ego"(latin) is "self" in english...so i'm kinda puzzled
really those who care the most about others, KNOW that the world is hostile, we are tiny pieces of flesh, very fragile by nature, and lots of criminals and psychos are out there...
No i'm not freaking out, i feel rather in control of myself, but it would be folish to ignore the threats, they do not depend on me, though i have a big control over my risk level: i dont smoke, drink, drive..for that reason.
actually I believe the key is not what the "ego" thinks and wants,
I have a big ego, and i'm rather selfish myself, and i like to cherish my instincts, but as Tolle say it:
when there is no more fear, you think, speak and act differently. Love and compassion arise, and they affect the world. Even if you find yourself in a conflict situation, there is an outflow of peace into the polarities." exactly, fear fuels the hate and anger from people in front of you! SO what is important to know and that Tolle apparently do not say explicitly in his article, is the REACTION from others! we are not alone in our brains, mastering the world, but we INTERACT with others, and the way we feel things and make other feel plays a big role in our own feeling of this world. I mean when you stop fearing people, they stop fearing you. when you start tusting them, they trust you. When you smile in the bus, people smile at you. when you stay quite when others are stressed and rushing, their stress is less likely to affect you (though as a Paris girl, i admit it's tough!)
this is not ego, this is not surrendering, this is just practical life experiments, to make the world beautifull shower it with smile, nice words, trust, confidence, and a lot of LOVE, but not the kind of hollywood films, just the kind from Mother Theresa....or "Abbé Pierre" that great man who was buried with France official ceremony this morning
"No person, no situation is made into an "enemy.""right!
Sometimes i fear the future, that my bright days are over, cause my life has been so nice so far, that i fear i'll live worse days. But in the end I know that beauty of the world is my eyes, and it's not gonna change soon, so I end up forgetting my fears of tomorrow, and just hope, with all my dreams, and projects, to realise all the things i want to do!
here is a plan from a "surrending" woman:
-2007: learn chinese and do charity for homeless in Paris
-2008: buy a flat in Paris keep on 2007 plan
-2009: submit case for adoption keep on 2007 plan
- 2010: use chinese linguo to adopt chinese orphan (2 if possible)