Oct 7, 2013

Afraid to be happy?

I don’t believe in souls or gods, I studied hard and soft sciences and prefer rational, logical explanations. So I genuinely thought I was immune to magical thinking, only to discover that I still hold irrational beliefs.

My superstition number one is: whenever I touch happiness, it slips from me as I reach to grasp it. Therefore I have been suffering stupidly from avoiding to engage in satisfying pursues that are dear to my well-being. As if doing what I love could make my newly acquired happiness crumble.

That’s a terrible mistake for three reasons: friends are not going to run away because I do what I want. And if they did they wouldn't be true friends, so I shouldn't be afraid of fully embracing my weirdness.
Secondly forgetting that I need loneliness, physical challenges and a rather strict (austere? ascetic?) routine can only lead me to feeling dissatisfied, unhealthy and unable to tend those precious relationships.  
Thirdly if I focus too much on fitting in people’s agendas I forget that my dreams are bigger, harder to achieve but so much more worth pursuing than some praise or petty money. Finally there is limited reservoir of happy moments that would run out if I'm enjoying life too much, so only misery would await in the future. This is a scarcity mindset much ingrained from a mining metaphors: finite resources can get depleted. However if you live in the forest, you quickly realize that each spring leaves grow back and each summer fruit are ripe, unless you cut the trees...

The take home message for anyone reading my confessions:

1. listen to yourself in order to know what you like

2. what feels right must be done over and over again

3. dream big in bright colors and paint your reality points by points

4. don’t give up until your masterpiece is achieved

5. walk in the forest as often as possible, move in if you can!