life...just free

Free also means you don't have to pay for it....

Just read these lines
I am: my love, my joy, my senses, my poetry, my logic, my smile, my dance, my hugs, my kisses, my pleasure, everything for free, just as you
I don't pay to enjoy life, you don't pay to enjoy me
But i have nothing, nothing to sell,
I have nothing to sell, and that's what they hate me for, those who want a share of my money, but i have no money, so i am worthless to them

sun is free, so they made smoke to hide it
rain is free, so they built ceilings to steal it
trees were a free shelter, so they cut them
animals were free foodstores, so they invented zoos
lakes and rivers were a swim playground, so they poisoned them
grass was a smooth carpet, so they built roads
fishes were freely traveling, so they took them in a net
blacks were free, so they slaved them
Who are they? my enemies, my fears, my sickess, my hate, my stress
But they let me go, so I am not free...

a chinese mind

On friday night i went to Versailles castle for a firework, as saturday (July 14th) was national France day. I was with lots of people, nice...i enjoyed all bits.

There was a glimpse of glow from setting sun left in the dark blue night sky, above the castle, and then firework powder colored it greenish.
I thought most firework was looking like giant exploding flowers! and some flying stars too!

Tonight, I learnt that my mind is chinese, because this above written paragraph is depicting fireworks in the way that someone has just taught me it's said in chinese 烟花, and Leo's my witness, I wrote this feelings a while before:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARHyRI9_NB4&mode=related&search=


One of the most beautifull song I've ever heard...
If it was possible...

I'll bear your child, or maybe two or three

It's my wildest dream,

I'll give my everything for your dreams to live forever
so that we're never dead


to the one I miss so much now, I wish you're forever happy.

tropical fever

When the weather gets hot and humid, the sky clouded by heavy monsoon signs, the air so thick that it should be cut into pieces before breathing; I feel like wearing little dress, and dancing with my sandals on caribbean rythms, slowly, madly, sensually.
When summer is here, i feel i'm somewhere else, eating tropical fruits under a palm tree, so my kitchen is filled with papayas, bananas, mangoes, etc...
Does Paris turn into a "playa", not really though our cute mayor would like it, but marketing events can't match my mood, so if I feel like I'm under tropics, I simply live as if I were there: relaxed, open minded, not in hurry, cooling, chilling....and sensual!

sent to Leo, 2007, June 24th, 22h24

In the vineyard

i opened up my vineyard,
gorgeous hidden secret in me.
o i feel fine and sweet!
plump like a little doll,
fresh like the mist you
exhale on the window &
draw a heart with a finger.
play hide and seek;
burst a bubble gum;
run on one foot;
build a sand castle;
cross the line and dream free;
wash my brain happy;
i feel a big wave of joy over me
sent to Leo, 2007, June 25th, 22h29

natural feelings

a rainfall: sharp crystal water as pure as water from original world, to clean and drink, away from pollution, reminiscent from a time when the world was not yet polluted by humans

a rainbow: symbol of the way see things, colorfull , meaningfull, because i feel in color, and my poems are trying to paint things and expressing a bit the way i put ideas through my dreaming mind

white ocean running on a dark volcanic shore, it's the power of nature, limitless ocean and young beach, that strikes me and calls back my roots, my instincts; i feel like walking & swimming naked, closing my eyes and feeling the power of the wind and current over my body, the strong smell of the salty sea through my nose...and the cold of Iceland on my skin...

there is water and sky on each picture because:

i have an infinite love for water
i'm lost in a blue paradise
floating over an ocean of sorrow
marvelling at a sky of loving stars
in between too deep and too light
balancing on the shore of life
passions and freezes
jumping in and out of the sea
sucking the blue orange but
glued to its icy side
when no one is melting my heart.

extract from a mail to Leo, dated 2007, June 25th, 22h57.

I've felt in a vitamin bottle, as a genie in the bottle, could you deliver my brain from this euphoric state?
I've felt in a sour and bitter potion, that tears my appetite from large to nothing. I feel anything hard to swallow, is it from the salty tears?
I'm struck by the thickness and weight of the air, as if suddenly all the surroundings had turned into a giant aquarium, where i'm the whale, In jail turning around, a motion without progress.
I'm stuck in a circle thinking, a loop where anything sounds and seems like a nightmare, although, I can see the shining glitter of a star filtering from a hole in my bad ideas.


The evanescence of my evaporating body image reflects the shadow of larger clothes, but the veil is slipping down, and a stronger muscular identity jump higher to catch opportunities to dream longer and wider.
The arrow missed the target, and the circle of life is broken...

one endless day

I got aroundup 5AM, I had such a nice early talk today, I had in mind somethings, but discovered much more interesting things...and i have been thinking about these topics all day...
Lifestyles and relationships...I realised how my choices were so far from the usual "suburban family model life", mine were more those of the alternative urbans, single, partying, free, and environement friendly.
I have allways felt special for her, strangely she came just the day before, or I may have felt I needed to see her, and feel that I liked her tatoo. I may love more her views about "no children, we are too many on the planet"!!
I took time for myself, alone with my thoughts, enjoying the day, fueled by my early talk with my soul mate. I'm reading currently this philosophy book about relationships, the more I reead, the more I know I'm not supposed to be ashamed of my feelings. But I won't open my heart too early to anyone, these thoughts are too precious to be spoilt! So I shared my excitment about a quote with my dear philosophe friend, he disagreed as usual...he's not a soul mate, but my opposite mate! I feel bound anyhow, we need each other to make our thoguhts eveolved and richer. I guess no one can be complete without others. I felt so light and uplifted the full day, men have been staring a lot at me; because that pleasure on my face could be read as I enjoyed some nice long sex night! true thinking can be the orgasm by ideas...But as a woman whose feminine attraction am I trying to reach in the search of oceanic feeling? my lost mother, or my narcissic self? I guess we're fused, same smile, same long hair, same blond hair. Am I not called her name somtimes? ya...
but the evening was weirdest: i got an email from my bf, telling me it's over.I was on phone with a friend, she tried to talk to make think about somthing diferent, but that could not help.As I was crying too much I stopped talking, and chatted online.Then this friday i had 4 male friends online, and hopefully they all supported me! No, guys are not that bad...It's just our expectations that can't be met, and it's deceiving soon. I placed too many hopes on only one person that I didn't know so well.
I analysed the situation quickly, but i have already a key to understand. My world is full of interactions, I live by and for my ideas, they are fed through meetings, and feelings, this fuels and is fueled by my curiosity.This is rather cheap (except travels somtimes), and that can't be bought, so money has a poor value to me, but time is a core and precious element of my life, the most time i devote to an activity or a person, the more that means for me. I expect friends to be the same, and devote time to me as a proof of their interest in me. But his core values was social status, and money, these are foreign concept for me! So we could not understand each other to the core anyway, attraction is blind, but it doesn't last long..especially for some tired busy people! but i guess i'm still too young to feel it!

I remember someone told me, only those people who never experienced moeny problems could feel as free toward money as I do...true, I've never had any problem, because as soon as I feel money could be a problem, I automaticall adjust y lifestyle to a poorer one, but as I believe more in people, this is not a problem for me!


So I woke up at 5AM...but it's already 1.40AM the next day, and I haven't slept! I have had only a light diner too!(one avocado), so this day is unforgetable, totally unfogetable, it doesn't seem to end, and i forgot m primary needs, to my ideas. I'll go to sleep, shut down my brain for a while, and hope tomorow won't be too much disappointing!

slowly, madly, deeply

I'm loosing sleep, loosing appetite....getting too much excited about new projects, while I'm burying old feelings...
I am faithless but full of hopes for a future where dreams have no limit...
The more I age the younger my friends are...as my passions can't get extinct. My free travelling mind escapes the harsh realities of consumerist life
I discover more and more the imperious want of you, and him, and her, and me!
I do love this world, when the days seem to have no end, and my eyes turn green to the golden sun

There is a sweet breeze, cute memories of you and a soft touch in this summer air, but somehow my heart cries alone at night when I listen to a sad song, I cant help but feeling my tears forming in the corner of my eyes, though i'm too shy to drop them, i swallow salty water, not to show my sorrrow.
I don't know who I love, nor what love; is but I feel the pain of missing you.

a pink cry

When I hear that old song

Little pearls arose on my cheeks

Those pink dunes are wet

As a desert rarely showered

Then flowers bloom in my heart

I wish to sent bunches of them

Every morning of you life

To scent it up with grace

I may intoxicate you

But my frangance is less strong

Than your attraction

Dec 20th, 2005, 01:22 AM

overcloud dream

Who needs a heart when the world belongs to us
Now that you turn my brain in a happiness factory
The sun shines again over my hood and life
I ride ever more freely where the butterflies go
All lips are sweet but not as unhealthy as candy
Everywhere the wind swings hair
Everywhere sun kisses my sight
Everywhere planes overtake clouds
Your face as cold as a pure crystal sculpure
Frozen in white and blue eternity of death
These colors strangely attract me on the ice
Was I ever looking for your sharp glance
But that day is memorial
Deep written in my souvenirs
No regret nor forgetness

Jan 2nd, 2006, 02:46 PM

Western hate

To all those I hate
I hereby say why
I wished your death
Aware you could
have killed me then
My wonders turn to anger
Why did you spare us
Else we could have enjoyed
Promised eternal delights
Instead of CNN staring
At this endless nightmare
What a cruel waste
You made of our pure world
Looked for my green land
But it is under thick trashes
Those burnt evidence ashes
Long swept by the wind
You built your malls
On our bison bones
So much death still alive
On hate don't arise peace
My testimony I am not guilty
But the blood in my vein
Tell me I cried in vain
Cause you're forever villain
Historical backlashes
Can't even teach you
To clean your a$$es

Jul 11th, 2005, 11:52 AM

monsoon shadow

i can't forget this look under the heavy rain
i can't forget this glimpse in the night
i know we are just hopes and a dream for each other
i know distance make us feel more alive but less real
that kinda pain make us feel warm and hopefull
that a day will bring us some closeness,
just as if life could turn into a fairytale
let's come adults, forget our dreams, forget ourselves
let us live by society standard and become two shadows in the night
love is impossible, just like our life

Jan 8th, 2007, 11:05 PM

monsoon shadow ( following)

My love has big black eyes.
My love has no one to care for
My love is lonely and poor
My love has some despair in his eyes
My love does not speak my language
But love has its own language
And I can see in his eyes all the dreams he have
And I’m the only one to live those dreams
I feel ashamed to have that luck for two
It snows on the top of the world
And my love is cold, and lonely at night
But my words sent on wires warm him
Until destiny brings us together again

Jan 24th, 2007, 07:00 PM

fairy

I'm a fairy, come take my hand
I'll lead you to the land of dreams
I'm a fairy, follow my grass eyes
My smile will guie you to happiness
I'm a fairy, listen to my song
I'll whisper the secrets to paradise
I'm a fairy, catch my golden hair
I'll let your heart shines away from sorrow
But you're stoned heart shout
That's a witch stay away
In the hurry of stressfull meaningless life
You turned your back and stay hollow

Jan 27th, 2007, 02:04 PM

blue love

all i can see is a shining lamp
a smiling sun in the cotton blue sky
i have an infinite love for winter
the marvellous shades of blue ice
it seems sight never will get back
i'm lost in blue paradise

Mar 10th, 2007, 10:03 PM

July wednesday 20th and thursday 21th, 1st day in india

i spent the whole day in a plane, trains, subway, waiting room, customs and taxi yestserday, from 6AM Paris time to 24PM Dehli time!!!!!! then I washed clothes and took a shower as soon as I went to my guest house and sleep (or triedy to! but couldn't because of time change btw paris and dehli) only few hours before a busy shopping day today....I bought 3 pretty silk salwar kamez, a silk carpet from kashmir (for namaz), shoes, bag...well to much stuff!!!!!!!

22nd july, second day in new dehli-Jul 24th, 2005 at 12:12 PM

wow a fucking mosquito bite me tonight I scratch it on the wall...she was full of blood no I am not tired because of the mosquito but because I am difficult to adjust to time change when going eastward on the globe...
yesterday night I watched PTV world...first time in my life watching paki TV!!! musharraf was talking....and I understood!!! that kind of feeling is great...I meant he is talking clear and slow so it is easy to understand, especially because he uses many english words but I really liked to understand spoken urdu with no subtitles, images or anything else than the talk to undestrand what was said....but I did not watch the whole talk because it is boringpolitician talk....

23th july-Jul 24th, 2005 at 12:17 PM

I am a lucky girl because this morning I had to wake up at 4h30 to depart at 5 oclock from new Dehli to Jaipur (train at 6.00)...and no alarm clock...and I slept very well, but woke up at 4.30sharp! isn'it weird?

Anyway i took the train at 6.00 at new dehli...it was a nice journey, i enjoyed looking at the landscape from my window, execpt for the slums and poor people I saw...it is difficult for me to look at all this poverty! I feel embarrassed.

I like the countryside, green fields, flooded fields (rice?)
women in colorful saris walking around, thin white silhouettes of standing men looking after cattle...and in the trees peacoks...my favourite bird!

I have been walking in Jaipur most of the afternoon...all the time risckhaw-walla, asking me where I want to go, whereas i only wanted to walk!...but there are so few peolple walking because of the heat...but I like it, ..and also if i don't walk I feel like a lazy-bum and i just hate sitting the whole day in a train, plane or taxi...I need exercise...and it's easy to hide from the sun...my dupatta over the head and I don't even think about sun shining on my face any more...yes I am wearing one the salwar kamiz I bought in mew Dehli...i like it very much!

2nd day in jaipur-Jul 24th, 2005 at 12:28 PM

I was very tired yesterday too , I slept straight after coming back to my hotel.... then have diner, then discuss with the two iranians guest staying at the guest house in Jaipur...at the beginning there were the manager, he was saying I have an american accent but one of the iranians women answered that I am talking with the same rythm than a german...so my english accent is a mix of US and german!

i was gonna have a shower when I SAW something moving in my bathroom bag...it was a big insect...6 cm long at least
i WAS SO FRITHENED, i reached for my shampoo bottle and killed it with it ...I was really shaken!...we don't have so big insects in France....
Today I went to Amber fort and city palace of Jaipur an took some pics...
These palaces once inhabitad by mahrajahs are really amazing, but they are not so richly decorated as say, previous royal castles that we have in France...mostly because most of the furniture and original carpets, tapestry..are gone! But from outside they are really wonderful!
i loved also this abandonned palace, like floating on a lake, just outside the city of jaipur
I think there are too many tourists regularly visiting there because streets vendors are a hassle...yesterday it was the rickshaw wallw, today the street vendor...oh I forgot about that carpet sailor...he showed me how to make a carpet, briefly, then many nice carpets, all sizes and all colors, then started to chat a bit in french with me!...yeap many french in Rajasthan!...tried to convinve me 100hundred ways to buy a carpet...but I don't want to, I already got one fine not expensive in new dehli....!