no sleep but dreams

Nothing's so important than dreams, and living up to your expectations. Maybe no one else matters, I mean they can do anything, think, and tell, we shouldn't give a damn, anyway.

Freedom ain't everything
But nothing else matters
Be oneself
Never justify why...
Deep down in my heart, I know where the truth lies
It hurts a lot to hide it, it's called "civilisation"

A young french testimony: the tyrany of generation 68

No it's not a new terrible science fiction book, it's the theme of some french who have been published in France quite recently.These books speak about the tyrany of the "papy boomers": the numerous generation born after WWII...The generation who's demonstrated in french street in 1968,May, while american counterparts were hippies opposing Vietnam war.
This generation had benefited from the economic prosperity following the rebuilt of Europe, thanks to American subsides, and low priced good commodities from former colonies.
With cash flowing like rivers in Canada, western (including french) society soon turned into a hedonistic and individualistic playground.
Following the "sexual revolution" (abortion and pill) and women emancipation (work, banking, political and divorce rights) there has been les and less children born. Following the health improvments there have been more and more very old people alive.
This has lead the papy-boomers while they were still powerfull money oriented adults to force their parents into retirement and old age houses, so that generation 68 could avoid to competiting for jobs, especially management roles, with them and to caring about them.
After making sure their parents would not trouble their souls any more (as the saying goes: far from sight, far from heart), they also made sure their own children would not.

Not only did they secure by law heavy pensions at the expense of the next fewer generation, but also did they highly speculate on real estate prices in order not only to be homeowners but also to get juicy lifelong endowments from very small flats rented out to students and young workers: the generation of their own children.
In addition they made sure that salaries would be linked to age, so that younger workers have close to none opportunity to get high pays (the recent Kerviel scandal at Société Générale is quite a good illustration of possible consequences of the despair which young french are plunged in)
So what's our life like?
A small salary, high rents and taxes to pay...moreover after decades of exploitation (by generation 68 of course! their former hippies' lifestyles have long gone utopia!) Mother Nature is beginning to revolt and make us pay higher price for rare commodities, which means rising food and other prices.
So I am living poorer as my grandparents in Algeria 50 years ago, but I have studied 14 years more than my grandmom!
No wonder I had to give up my motherhood dreams: I can't rear a child when I have to support the greed of my parents and the retirement of my grandparents...
Generation 68 has only planned the extinction of "blood" french people (at least 40% of current birth rate in Paris region comes from foreign parents), because the only people happy to live as poor as I am are those coming from the even poorer Subsaharan Africa or poor chinese countryside, that may be why Paris is begining to look more black than New York...

financial crisis=> revolution?

The last serious crisis in this world is supposed to have been 1929 and so on..but WWII was not a light consequence!
Are we at the dawn of another WW...the long awaited WWIII?
Some have said it would happen during the "cold war"
Some have said it would happen after september 11th and the crusade of USA against islamic world.
Who's afraid it would happen after the (major?) finacial crisis beginning from the subprime somthing??? but wait!
This all comes from an imbalance of cash between USA & China: China being the producer and USA the consumer...but who finances USA?? everyone else!! No we may no longer wish it...and the system collapse? it will! it's already began..but how & how long? how deep? no one knows!

Thank you

I am thankfull for all what 2007 have brung to my life:
The best ever friend, my soul mate, that I love so much
I have enjoyed the best ever holidays with him
I have found peace and fun at work
I have met many nice colleagues, and nice parisians
I have discovered Paris thanks to getting a nice flat there
I have realised the price of family life
I have got a slimmer, younger, toner body
I have had so much fun @sport and outdoors this summer
I have experienced that smiling to life means life is smiling to you even more
although I had some painfull: breakups they made me tough and corecting mistakes
I have learnt to accept my whole identity
SO my whole life's changed for better

zzzzzz

Somedays I simply miss you.
I feel void, and I don't even know what do I feel like doing once more.
Seems like I've been exploring all I wished
Seems like I've been meeting all those I wanted
And I am stranded on a desertic shore, all desire is gone
But I can't even tell you how much I need you

the days after

Heart and minds fully open
As naked in spirit as clothless
I smell him wherever around me
So I don't feel like washing
His eyes are as dark as a black hole
All I wish is to jump there, and float forever
No anger nor doubts can resist his charming smile
His words are allways sweet, but wise
I can't enough of his lips, as addictive as cocaine
I can't get enough of his arms, so tender
My reason tells me to keep on loving
My mind craves for his feelings
My eyes craves for his handsome airs
My body craves for his warmth and strentgh

Winter sight

Chicken skin, purple complexion
Winter sting, cold connexion
I love that pain, it's elating
I wish to stain, it's exciting
Crystal edges cutting harships
Low motion preserving fish
As the hunting snow leopard
I'm approaching the salmon lake
Young witch with heart in flake
I dare to whistle in the night
Under the vibrant photon fight
Silver drops of life falling in vain
White shades of fading cocaine
I soak under a swirling star rain
And my prints fly like a train

wondering

So what can they write in my CIA file?
Too many flowers for peace, too many smiles for love...

Not enough products in my closet?
they are visible powers of a macro reality...I am an invisible ant!
and I wonder why are we allways fighting an economic war against each other
I'm starving, longing and cuddling for shares, but can I only understand those who starve too?
I can get your eyes straight, I can get your stares long enough to let you tell away anything you feel like, I can get inside your heart and soul, because I let in my heart and soul

Dreams ain't bought with money, my art can't be sold, and our endeavors are free

so now is it illegal too be:
Searching to catch a net of dissident friends, searching for those soul mates who are trying to get grip on this world....and hijacking industrial world from inside, letting our dreams exploding their systems
Living outside their artificial world, creating our own mental realities, hiring more and more brainy young staff to turn our prospective realities into tangible plans
Staying cold to their advertisements, reading tightly any ingredients list, working and studying so hard that we can't fear anything, neither deem anything impossible!
Dreaming big, Feeling high, run, dance, smile and talk to anyone!

sweeping off my closet

It's been such a change, such a revolution in my life this last year...
Last november I had taken a turn in my life, I haven't only dropped 40 pounds...I got rid of all limits in my brain...slowly I...
I turned pain into bread and fuel for life
I turned loneliness into a kinda rage of life
I turned any flames into creativity
I came back to my childhood dreams, and let it flow
I came back to knowledge, because I'm no more a student, so I have to keep on studying to stay young and alert
Knowledge is the material for thoughts, and I can't pretend to know all by myself

I swept away all the dust, threw away all the uncessary items, too large clothes and old useless things that burdened my environement, now I enjoy clean, tidy and empty space.

I can't pretend anymore to be happy by myself, I ain't, I need you all, so I swept clean of my arogance and beg you knees down, apologise and turned back to you, I'm still there, alive, your friend, and you'll allways find me around supporting you no matter what happen in your lives.
I won't shy away to be who I am, and I won't be either overproud of myself, I'm still learning, and trying to be who I ought to be...
I won't shy away to stare at you girls too, cause I'm not going to do as if I was jealous, I love your looks too.
Out of the closet, I am just enjoying my new frame, my 6 pack, and all strong muscle...I wondered how could i have lived as a fat ass for so long, it's just so easy to be who i am now

But it's not over yet some of this revolution is still ongoing...some dust is left in the lcoset, some fat around the ass, some arrogance in my stares, some lazyness towards books...
I'm not a girl, not yet a woman....gimme more time

how do i seem

I had planned to write something, but i'll leave it blank






just like the future, that holds no expectations, no plans and no goal, wtf , deliverance from....anyone, means no love, but nooooooooooooooooo i can't, so i'll keep on loving you, even though it hurts, and i cry:p
on the other hand i know it's making me happy too!:d

brainaches

I feel like sharing new ideas, new creations, new hypothesis, I feel like testing any new material, but can't find no one to match my expectations, i want to go overboard and let it flow, but there is no one to pick up my lines, and i feel such a desert, i'm almost starving, it's like my ideas would get dry, stop the flow
I wish I could let it flow, but I'm gonna drown if it stays inside me, and I don't know how to let go
Maybe crying could help, I wish it could, but it's otherwise
I am feeling so much in pain
How can I deliver myself?

swirling stars

swirling stars surrounding me
taking me down the milky valley of dreams
glittering rainbow drops of crystal water
singing in the sun above our plays

curling hair surrounding me
in the misty air turmoil of my path
shining eyes staring at our talks
may be there may be somewhere inner

Its as dark as the void of space
Its as deep as our thoughts
Its as pure as childish minds
Its as energetic as a supernovae
But from all ends come a new beginning
And swirl stars, cycle the wheel of life
til my dance strear my ideas clear.

Mexican mindset

Somedays is the Mexican minset
It's Gold rush and tequilla
Blooming flower of joy under sunset
The rare rainbow and shower
Love Words spoken under pain
Isn't the silver line of whistle
Up isn't a vain stairway to heaven
Up is the cloudtear that can't fall
I think as a full fresh aloe
It's fertile and waterfull inside
But dry outside, as in a desert
Sorrow is under drought
Mere talks are not given
As silence is golden

the wave of life

Frustrating, exhilarating, mind blowing
From anxious mind stuck to lightest happiness
My mood surfs the ocean broad life wave
Floating on top my eyes are lost
Overlooking earths finite dimension
I feel an illusion of power and eternity
It's as if I could swim hard for ever
I think the world as a blue coconut
Travelling the milky way to nowhere
Prisoner of tsunami's waterwall
My limits are back in a moodfall
But no liquid can prevent me
From jumping on H2O molecules
Looking for elementray particules
Finding nothing but flowing energy
As ever I'm wandering the sinuous path
Over the hills, down the sunny green valleys
Crossing clear or tempetuous torrents
Encountering nightgales or bears and wolves
If I got frightened I would never know
What's laying down there over the snowcap
So I won't stop by listening to tying witches
But who cares what's left undone?
Who will count my sins and victories?
Catch me if u can whistled the wind
But swinging, swimming, singing, dancing
Kept on going the gay junkie
Riding my way, the life's wave

old nightmare

I feel like walking a long way with no limb
I feel like swinging my dreams in the wind
As sharp razor blades makes us less smily
As I can't feel something else but hopeless
Let my tears shower you

I feel like an old bird with broken wings
I feel like a sail without attached strings
As tepid blood rushed heartbeats in vain
As I am no longer that bitter youngster
Let my kiss shake you

About time

Cherry blossoms petals dripping under a heavy rain
Ticking silently with my blushed rosy heartbeats
The endless flow of love in my gay spring vein
The shadow of a jealous crow could hinder
Our liquorous passion, though life's not vain
When rigorous action takes on bankers routine
Our weird pace tuned to sleep, commuting and labour
Leaves a glimpse of joy, escaping at the canteen
Reading subversive lines, writing sweet and sour
Charms about love that is our life safe harbour
O my soul mate whenever destiny cuts our count
The remaining days are simply more precious
Rare sips of life cup are meant to be delicious

Classic Painting

There were silver flying daggers in the air
On the fields where flew locks of golden hair
Shiny under the proud sun king
Fainting as our bleed rivers whitened our pink fair
And dimmed the clean battelfield of our lord
Swords swinging, swans singing, heroes dancing
Sand's last drop falling and time stops
Hearts come to a halt in a drought
Painted for eternity to praise knights
Under the moonshell of angel like Venus

Loving you

Loving you is the biggest mystery that ever happened to me
Loving you is the biggest joke that ever crack me up
Loving you is the most painfull ache when you' re gone
Loving you means living to me and much more
I may want to tell, but I can't tell what can't be descibed
I do love you, but the way I feel is too deep

July in Paris

I miss....
It's summer, it's hot.
The sky is so blue and coconut white clouds are decorating the ceiling of Paris, as an open air museum, visited only by tourist, while most parisians are on holidays far away, but me. The most beautifull city in the world looks like a rejuvenated 18th century painting that lays on our castles walls, and i'm just trying to find an angel, but u're just too far.
miss u much these days! I don't know where you are, but far, and can't get in touch with you, so I miss u a lot, it makes feel like crying, but my tears are stuck in my throat, because though far you're allways somewhere near my heart and thoughts, so I wrote these lines to share a bit of the nice evening i had.
Sun set warms my heart and stretches my shadow as I walk along the Seine, as a siren my hair moves with the flow, as I swing along the concrete shore. Sitting on the hot floor I stare at these little grey fishes eating algae on the steps down my feets.The water is clear and smelling clean clothes, quiet but tourist barges create few waves sometimes.And I dream to be close to the sea, that might be an ocean.O i wanna swim!
I wandered along the Seine for some time as the sun set doesn't seem to end these days. The wonderfull magic of Paris is set in few colors:
- luxuriant green canopy of the falling branches on the Seine islands
- shy azur blue sky playing hide and seek with the clouds
- creamy chalky carved stones of the bridges reflecting the golden low sun
Slowly, an alarm rang my eyes, vibrant sun set flames on the scenary and serene Notre Dame cathedrale glowed , clouds took a cheek pink shade, and the sky above the flows started to glitter as fire just as dark blue veil started covereing the ceiling, as a night tent closing the show.

my world is green

My world is green, maybe as green as spleen, though I promised to search for souls and ghosts over here. I could ask the trees spirits to give me that hope…green is not faith color any more, it’s far more intoxicating for the senses. I feel vertigo looking at the high canopy!

Does imagination lies beyond reality? Does my ideas of that vegetal reality hide something far more troubling?

I feel the same in the end, lost in the blue ocean of late summer days, or in the green ocean of trees blossoming leaves in the spring of nature

These intoxicated senses can’t let me sleep until I felt down exhausted…in a last try to get me started but nothing can let me know that I have to let go of myself………..not even those damned instincts!

Sure my hair flows in the wind like a barbarian, and my feet are dark of dust, but I can read and write…so?

I do prefer identification to nature in order to skip the human cultural identification. In the end I do get closer to my primary instaincts, and these bear no cultural sense