Winter elope

One more hesitation and dawn is gone. One more palpitation and my anger is undue. Clouded sky has glued my mood to the lowest extrem of the living scale.

She whispered loudly that I might not grant her life because I hate myself as much as her. Fair games are not played without love, and let the wind disperses my forgiveness. I exit the forlorn state of mind while running through the bare birches. I wonder if these slipery paths would subdue this cruel sorrow.

The stories we tell ourselves are limiting the infinite array of possibilities awaiting to unfold in our life spring. I had failed to sweetness, and adulterate the flavor of my thriteen self dreams, I owe to her to push boundaries harder. Hence I jumped over dead branches and acorns. Shall winter relinquish?

Eyes dew

+

Thy slender running ghost, forever eyes dew,

My heart's missing love, unblossomed bud.

If I shall never know whose color is thy eyes,

Let my heart be thine when it has settled.

+

Wanton

It lays, it creeps, it stinks.

What is it that budge my world, suddenly.

Two black roses, putrefied on your grave.

And my name, o what a facetious exit.

Purposelessly ending our tears in pain.

Shadow of life

When I look beyond me

 there is no one else but me to love,

 and I find it so vain.

I want to shout, I hate you Narcisse.

Grooming myself is a torture, 

because as my face looks more and more like me,

 I can't help but thinking why 

I don't see you beside me in the mirror.

Every bit is so hard to swallow, 

because fueling this life can only make sorrow deeper, 

longer and happiness feels like a more and more distant memory.

Anything I do I wonder what for, 

as I know it will not bring you back, 

the shining lamp that casted warmth over my future.

I thread the limbs in the dark, so lonely.

Ignite

Holding on

Savannah, resonates like a Southern city, a porn star and an African dream.

Cracking jokes

I ignited the matches, sparked a laugh, lighthearted

No I don't wanna go to rehab, No I don't wanna get serious

Puddle of mud

I wanna play hide and seek, push you in a puddle of mud, and erase, all these years, all these scars

Strip but not tease,

Strip my heart from its crushes, strip my face bare, strip my body to the bones

And she's lingering, ambiguous, a wet dream emerging from the only desirable sea

Dissolved

Like the sun set in the sea, like the day behind Northern lights, like my hopes

Invocation

Like a shaman prayer sung towards the deep winter night sky

I cry out for the sun to return, and burn candles of hope.

Epiphanies quickly dawned upon me with a glimpse of maybes

and a lingering taste of dejavu ironically in your eyes.

But where I look farther inside, I can really see nobody but me,

because I'll never want from you nothing else than mine.

Like an oyster solidly attached to its rock sips nothing but seawater,

I can't get enough of reassuring and mirroring hymns on your lips.

Feareality

Glimpse of feareality, thrilled,

Numbed is success, flawless dream

Moonlike face and its lakes,

Stroked ego, tantamount playground

Addictive child, sunkissed picture.

x.

French

x.After a few months of voluntary exile, I'm finally relieved enough to admit it: I'm French. Not only does my language reveal it, but also my cultural references.

I love French cheese, fine French chocolates, French 'haute couture' perfumes, French South Pacific pearl jewels and 'Les Lumières'! "The centre of the Enlightenment was France, where it was based in the salons and culminated in the great Encyclopédie (1751–72)".

Then how do I live today? by French motto's values, 'freedom, equality, brotherhood'.

Freedom, I live anywhere my heart leads me and do whatever I fancy, while I think mostly about due care to not harm, and preserve our endangered world.
Equality, I live simply and content, so that other have the means to live, too.
Brotherhood, I live with an open heart that allows anyone without blood considerations to be respected and cherished as a brother, or sister.
x.

Loner

4 years gone with the wind

4 years and any feelings remain

4 years of vain mistakes and forgotten promises

4 years and all has to be done, again but well.

Anger is such a bad counselor,

Self pity a misleading path;

I am worth more than a torn ego.

I shall wander alone, sometimes

Never lament nor beg, anytime

Allways love and give, mindfully

Nurture joy and exam, carefully.

x.

Fineland

Fineland elating bouts of passion

Billion stars enticing my delusion

Alluring Northern nights in unison.

When my heart gets broken in a zillion flares

They emit so much love it's intoxicating

Pulsating hope outward, or so he dares.

Darkened attraction on the edge of sanity

Don't offer your lips or we could slip

Stay within a corner of thoughts variety.

x.

Assassin

There is an assassin in my head
Drink that poison with passion
He whispers tenderly from within
And I drank to the last drop, bitter
She wants me and I remember her
All wet and giggly squeezing my chin

There is an assassin in my head
Vivacious rest, audacious norms
Precarious debt, luscious bareness
She-male begetting nightmares
Naked elf under the storm, skinny
Darkened eponym of my inner child

Into the wild

Confusion, dullness,

 if only they stopped asking what I don't wanna give,

let me go. Relapse time.

Wanna shy away because you remind me of prospective realities, 

and honestly I just wanna dream, alone, far.

I like being that foreign stranger no one knows,

I can wander alone and never being asked who I am or why I live,

 because I'm no one, and I live for nothing, 

but these answers hurt so I don't wanna talk,

 hence if you don't talk my language, I love you.

Alone lies danger, would I survive? 

I guess that's why no one ever let me go.

Hence I'm never asking.

Now I bitterly regret my cowardliness, 

I shall never live incongruently again, 

the sorrow to have to live more is even greater.

Everything has an end, even dreams, even hope, even life.

I wished I were anywhere else

No I'm never coming back, as hard as it may have been to tell, it's true.
Obviously some people took it personally, and that had made it even harder to explain.
I disliked the place, not the people, but some only.

I'm forever gone. This reality has not dawned yet upon me, fully.
Nonetheless any time I look outside I can't ignore it, I'm not there any more.
I can't feel any relief, though the panic is definitly gone.

My flight instinct has gotten worse, shutting down even the most basic polite goodbye words inside my shy mind. But honestly it's neither the first, nor the last time, I'm afraid.

It's so frightening, any glimpse of an image remind me I lived wrong. And it's no surprise I wish I were you. I'm so sadened to wear all around me memories of what has not meant to be.

And as a reminder of untouchable dreams you've made me cry so much that I felt like hiding away, disapearing, never be seen any more, even by me.
Somehow I want these days to end, now and forever.

You let me see that there is nowhere else, and I want nothing else but to find refuge with you.
Does that mean? '"Rescue me", maybe.

Careless

Singing like a bird, mending my wounds.

Spreading my wings, past aches are gone.

I love the pain I feel as I grow and heal.

I'm therefore free to fly and run, again.

I love that feeling, no I'm hooked actually.

Youth sweetness, softness, carelesness.

I let go of chores and errands, burdens

Stripped from stuff, free of fluff.

Torn contracts, burnt fake promises

Neither lured into bling paradise

Nor fooled into ruthless sharkpools.

Youthful bounty, radiating energy.

My other half

I lived with you for so long, I can't even remember when.

I tried to gently kiss you goodbye but you are again.

So this time I decided to trash you down the drain.

You robbed my vanity, now you threaten my sanity.

Let me go insane, but don't take me down the limbs.

Numb as your voice, void is rapturing, nothingness.

The more I strip you, the less I feel, lightheaded.

Afraid to let me fly, I am nevertheless free, still alive.

x

Jalna

When everything seem upsetting, 

when I get angry, when I feel only despair,

 if no end arise from my trouble, 

when I'm stuck in lamentations and worries,

 I turn to you.

Lush grasslands

Playful crystal clear rivers

Blue sunny sky

Cathedrals of trees

Teenage dream

Blue dandelion, his eyes entail passion
Golden sparkle of dawn upon me
Green leaps and hopes of wilderness
Salty deep kisses and lenghty foreplays
Juicy berry candy deep echoing
Skipped heartbeats from his stares
Messy long hair fondling over my neck
Soft bare cheeks stroking my lips
Wanna drop my holed used jeans
And f*ck in sync with loads of guitars

soundtrack

Euphoria

There are times when I feel like the world belongs to me. There are times when I feel my lucky star is by my side and nothing could possibly go wrong. There are times when I took decisions so lightly that my life seem even not important although these are times when I enjoy it most. There are times when I feel creative, aweful, blissful, lustful, light as a feather, dancing and running all over the world, driven by an insastiable desire to discover, explore and think.
Then is euphoria, some say hypomania.

When do I really fall back onto the dark side of the moon? Why do I sometime recede back into melancholia, apathy, undecideness, some say depression? I recall those times when it happened: period, pill, pregnancy, so it's obviously triggered by progesterone. This might explain why I feared so much not only periods and pregnancy, but mostly progesterone pills. And no I was wrong it's not pain that was the most fearful but that dullness of life, when everything is grey, blurred, tasteless, tiring and scary.

Path to nihilism

When I feel like giving up, I strive hard to try again.
Love is when outside the naked truth, the bare reality is sharper, but we fear no cut for any blood given as it would not hurt but heal.
Behind a million stars I get no gold and it makes me happier.
Doubting one's own congruence makes one come closer to self.
Ego recedes truly when delusions are washed away by peace.
The more I look at the core, the more I feel, the less I fear, the less I feel like owning.

But when all is gone I allways wonder why leaving something, one thing, anything about me?

self limitations

I used to make vows: never get into debt, never smoke nor use drugs, don't drink alcohol, don't drive, never fool. These are my taboos.

I was reminded why it helped forge who I am, free, by this little quote:
"freedom lies in self limitation".

Indeed since I started my minimalist journey I have given up so many things by limitating my wants.
Actually it started with material possessions, it turned to financial aspirations, then my mind bysiness receded and my attention got focused on a few desirable topic.

At some point I had stripped so much from my outer clutter that I could see very clear inside.
Suddenly my lifestyle changed dramatically and my own body too.